vacant
moley's exhausted, it's becoming obvious that despite her own strong connection to life, it's getting harder and harder for her. this weekend, we carted her around in her new red radio flyer wagon, and she seemed happy enough, but there were times when her eyes were empty -- she was elsewhere as her body rested. had a good conversation with her acupuncturist, and it seems like she has her own internal force propelling her through life -- which was reassuring. I've been afraid that she's been hanging on for me. She's such a trooper, such a sweetie dog, and so after this morning's seizure, we sat and had our usual conversation.

Since we've hit these harder days, I've been trying to check in with her -- all the other voices and opinions, even mine, aren't what I want. What I want is to hear from her what she needs. So I've made it a point to have quiet times with her. Sometimes, it's just sitting with her and looking into her sweet stinky face. Sometimes, it's just watching her breathe as she sleeps. But lately, more and more, it's become a time to check in and tell her what a gift she's been in my life, and that if it's time, it's ok for her to rest.

And today, she stood quietly with me, obviously exhausted from her latest seizure, leaning lightly into me. Then she went and stretched out on the linoleum for a post-seizure, PB/KBr/Pred/Belladonna/Aciniteum induced nap. She's tired, the drugs keep the seizures at bay, but the toll it's taking is starting to wear even on my sweet tough little pup. She's already started to leave occassionally as she rests. The thread that holds her here is becoming increasingly tenuous, and as much as I wish she'd choose her own time and way to leave, it's looking like I have to face my terrible responsibility with as much courage as I can muster.

:: ewee 12:36:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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