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well, I keep meaning to get more images into this blog, being a visual artist and all that, but it's just not as easy as blathering on. so, I'm happy to be back into cruising my friend jill's blog [we must see blue crush together! dees has been all psyched to see it. i am rooting for the hawaiian lookin girl to say more than just "be careful!"], and glad to see that bendy is doing better. apparently without any help from me, but no, tis good to be self sufficient...

think this might auger more computer living for me. which is fine. i am sufficiently beaten down by scrambling for werk, and disillusioned enough by dog poop (can a person be "illusioned" by dog poop?) that i am ready to sell out. again.

of course, dees is reading this huge tome on che (as in revolutionary, as in not selling out), and asking me questions like: "are there things you would be willing to die for? would you join an armed struggle? for what?" sigh. and glib broke me can only think of the used clothing i am craving at crossroads (oh, but only if i looked cooler, then i'd feel cooler, and so i'd BE cooler, right?), the apartments i cannot afford, and the damn scraping and werking that i'm lucky to be able to do. but really, what are you willing to live for?

i mean here we sit in a glorious city filled with paradox. for instance, here i sit in my shit shovelling job (uh, not literally, as i'm on break, so don't fire me), yet i've got plenty of privilege -- college edjumacated, job skills (cept being able to clean a fryolator), and so on. but still, what good does it do me or the next person? in what ways can i change the world? i don't think my way is the armed struggle way. pain is way way way too unpleasant, not to mention that fear of death thing. but so how to? something makes me hope that art has something to do with it. but something down to earth and grassroots and honest. none of this elitist crap with museums and art shows. oh, except that i'm waiting (and trying to pretend not to wait) to hear if i got into APAture.

right, that hypocritical thing. aah. life. guess my answer is to be conscious, laugh a whole lot at myself and other people (yes, sometimes it's good to hate), and to work on the small changes and build from there. or something. enough blather for now.

:: ewee 7:50:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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