complaint compliant
been thinking lately about overachievers and underachievers... in some ways, i'm strictly in the overachiever camp -- my parents schooled me in the ways of eternal dissatisfaction. nothing is ever really good enough, and working hard only ensures a modicum less humiliation in the end. it's a desperate, scrambling kind of existence, and one that i thought i'd successfully left behind when i had my college meltdown (quit premed, declared art as my major, and then came out -- all in rapid succession. it was quite a year...).

but with an impending family invasion (on the heels of a quick visit home a couple weeks ago), i find myself curling up into some sort of emotional fetal position. relatively speaking, i'm calm. my apartment is only a little cleaner than usual (so far), my truck is still bombed out, and i'm only a little more frazzled than usual. but thanks to a conversation last night (thanks sy!), i realized a few things -- something about expectations, and trying to live my life according to what's true for me, but then somehow reverting back to the awful awkward years of my preteen and teenage self.

not sure what it is about family that pushes all those buttons. and not sure how to keep a hold of my calm cool adult self (ok, just adult self) through the impending visit. drinking might help, but i waaaay overindulged last weekend, so i might have to keep chewing on this one...

:: ewee 3:54:00 PM [+] :: 1 comments ::
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1 Comments:

If you ever figure out what it is about family, let me know! I'm trying to recover from my So. Cal trip myself. ;-(

-posted by dotorious dotori : 1:30 PM

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